The past couple of weeks have been a bit heavier than usual. After a good run of some good weeks, my old unwelcome friend depression had crept back in for a visit.
Add to that, a couple of events that happened along the way, where my explosive response was less than I would expect of myself at this point in my life and I was feeling a bit, shall we say…. human.
I was not my usual chipper self when I took my seat in church this past Sunday morning somewhere towards the front. In all honesty I felt more like I should be sitting somewhere towards the back.
As is customary in the Episcopal church, I knelt to pray as soon as I sat down, and while I don’t recall the exact words I prayed I know I skipped my standard beginning of offering thanks and gratitude to God and went straight to my own wants and needs.
It was something along the lines of…. Lord, I don’t know what’s on me, and sometimes I am still shocked and embarrassed at what comes out of me and please open my eyes to what I need to change because I don’t want to live with this heaviness, or with this anger, or guilt, or regret or anything that is not of You. Help me do and be better.
I meant every word, it wasn’t just lip service from a kid that had just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I was sincere.
I leaned back in my pew and almost immediately the procession of the clergy and choir into the sanctuary began. I stood up as the opening notes from the organ in the choir loft filled the big church for the opening hymn…. Amazing Grace.
I don’t know about you but I can tell you this, my entire adult life, I literally can not sing that song. The best I can do is hum along through watery eyes but in that moment I couldn’t even do that, I just stood there with a stiff jaw fighting back tears.
Inside of me, it was like somebody had thrown a switch in a dark, chaotic room, and it was instantly filled with light, and Peace, which is exactly what happens when the same man that walked on water and calmed a raging storm with only words, enters the building, and enters your heart…. there is Peace.
I left church Sunday morning better than I arrived, yesterday was a good day, and God willing today and the coming days will be better as well.
Truth is, I don’t expect life to be easy, I expect life to be difficult. I expect life to be difficult because that is where God works best…. through Christ…. in difficulty.
We help ourselves when we ask Christ to step in and help us in the difficult. Lord, I’m not doing it right! So, help me, please.
In the Bible, while at sea, Jesus was sincerely and enthusiastically called upon by His disciples to calm a raging storm that was about to consume them all. He speaks a few words, the wind and waves obey Him, and there was complete Peace…. all around them.
This past Sunday morning, I sincerely asked that same Jesus to calm the storm in and around me. He takes a few musicals notes from an organ, clears the room, clears my mind, calms my soul and, for a brief while, there was complete Peace…. all around me.
The times might change, the characters might change…. the Author of it all does not change.
Get In The Boat. Do Your Part.
Amazing Grace. Getcha Some…. From Nose To Toes!
Shane / #16